Heartless Pain
by Shampoo-chan13
Summary: Begins at volume ten. Followed the book almost to T and added their thoughts. Shinji running away from his feeling for Kaworu, How will Kaworu take it? written it last year 08 M for next chapter. A KaworuxShinji Fanfic!


Rei had died and the only place that Shinji could go to was Kaworu's place. –More of a room– Kaworu let Shinji stay at his place even after the fact that Shinji yelled at him, but Kaworu was at fault. Kaworu was jealous of Rei because Shinji loved her as much as she did. The Angel had showed him all of their emotions, but the ones that were his were the saddest.

"He won't love you…"

"Your heart is cold and evil. Your heartless." The Angel had said more to Kaworu.

"Behind that cold exterior, you want him…You want Shinji!" the Angel contiued.

"No I don't… His nothing to me!"

"The more you're in denial the harder it will be to control." Kaworu started to cry when he felt something else.

"No…." Kaworu breathed lightly.

"It's true…you fell into the trap of love when you set eyes on Shin…" the Angel's voiced trailed off as Rei self exposed. Kaworu looked up just at the brightest moment. Kaworu thought he saw Shinji's face and his heart stopped.

::– # –::

As Shinji pinned him to the wall Kaworu's chest got hard, –not from the impact but from Shinji's face– Kaworu never closed his eyes when Shinji yelled and threatened him. Then Kaworu's heart raced as Shinji's fist sped toward his face, and then brushed past him. Kaworu's eyes widen when he felt Shinji fall on him. Kaworu blushed softly when he noticed that Shinji had passed-out. "Hey!" Kaworu tried but Shinji didn't wake.

"What should I do…?" Kaworu thought a lot of ideas that popped into his head that made him giggle but wrapped them away. Kaworu picked up Shinji into his arms –like they just got married. "Heh"– and took Shinji to his room and laid him onto his bed. The Doctor looked him over and said he was fine but needed to rest and relaxation. Kaworu looked back after the Doc left to see Shinji was awake and sitting up. Kaworu felt like he had to say something.

"How are you feeling…Any better?" Kaworu asked slowly. Shinji seemed like he wanted to say something and opened his mouth but nothing came out so he stopped. Kaworu sighed. "Fine…." He thought.

"You scared me…I didn't know people could faint by breathing in too much air." Kaworu walked to his fridge and opened the door to grab water. Kaworu looked at Shinji's head.

"The Doctor said you should rest a while. I went ahead and told Major Katsuragi that you'd be in my room, so rest here as long as you want" Kaworu breathed half-heartedly.

"Ayanami…Any word?" Shinji barely breathed. Kaworu looked down sadly, the Angel's words repeating in his head again and again making it hard to replay. "I've heard no news…" Kaworu didn't show Shinji's face. Shinji paused before going on.

"This was different from before. I saw it with my own two eyes…she blew up with the Angel from inside the A.T. Field." Shinji had tightened his grab on the bed sheet staring at the white. Shinji's eyes started to water.

"I wonder if…" Shinji paused for a moment to close his eyes and look up. "She's dead." Kaworu just stared at him with a small frown. Shinji's watery eyes had become tears and they started to fall down his cheeks quickly. "Ayanami…I don't want to lose you…" Shinji had covered his face with his right hand. Kaworu just stood there not knowing what to do for Shinji.

After a few minutes but for Kaworu it felt like hours for Shinji to calm down. The sun had fallen and Shinji had turned on the TV and Kaworu got bored from reading his book and looked again at the back of Shinji's head and blushed silently. "I'm not in denial…" Kaworu thought to himself at the Angel's words. Shinji had been watching romances since he had calmed down and Kaworu was confused. "Why watch a romance right after a girl's death? " Kaworu tried to talk to Shinji again.

"How long are you going to be like this?" Kaworu had turned towards Shinji on the bed to see his reaction. Shinji didn't move.

"You have no intention of going back, do you?" Kaworu sounded annoyed. Shinji moved after he heard that.

"I don't want to go back. I'm afraid…" Shinji whispered still looking down.

'Afraid!? Why?" Kaworu asked in a shocked and confused voice. Shinji raised his head a little.

"Because if I do…I'll have to face the fact she's dead." Shinji sighed. Kaworu looked bored. "About the First Child again…so tired of it" Kaworu thought to himself. Kaworu stopped himself from going on when he heard Shinji continued.

"And if I go home I bet Misato will be really sad too" Shinji started to hold onto his knees.

"But, you know…Misato will do her best to cheer me up and I can't handle that either." Shinji looked at something and didn't see anything in front of him.

"It's not just Misato. There must be a lot of people who feel sad. And if I'm around them, it'll just make her death hit all the more" Shinji breathed a long sigh. Kaworu just sat there on his bed listening to Shinji.

"It hits…and I'm alone and it keeps hitting me down until it crushes me." Shinji whispered as he closed his eyes, and leaned onto the side of the bed.

"That's why it's better to be here…" Shinji said almost adding something else but stopped before he said it. Kaworu couldn't see Shinji's face or tell what Shinji meant. Kaworu had his legs in a butterfly with his hands holding onto his feet staring at Shinji with an emotionless expression. Shinji opened his eyes and stared at his feet.

"Because…. You're the only one who's not hurting inside over her." Shinji said plainly. The only thing that Shinji could think of saying then saying what he really wanted. Kaworu laughed. "Just because I don't like her…she's my rival against you! NO! I hate her and I'm cold…" Kaworu's thoughts ran lose through his head. As Kaworu looked at Shinji more he lowed his head, his hair hiding his eyes, as he laughed louder than before. The laugh sounded evil and devilish like a madman. After Kaworu's laugh he was his old evil cold self again and he grinned at Shinji. Kaworu lend over toward where Shinji, wrapped his arms around Shinji's shoulder and whispered into his ear hanging off him.

"So, what you're saying is that you hate me, but it's more comfortable here?" Kaworu snickered after he breathed that into Shinji's ear. Shinji didn't move but he was fighting inside with his emotions. – Love was one of them –

"What makes it amusing when you say that I hate you? Why don't you hate me like everyone else and leave me alone…I don't find it amusing to be hated." Shinji thoughts ran.

Kaworu waited for a reply but received none he got off Shinji. "Suit yourself then, why don't you" Kaworu tried to hide his hurt as he laid on his bed looking at the wall and Shinji behind him still on the ground holding his knees and lending close to the bed.

"You could have denied it? Shinji…" Kaworu thought sadly in his head. Kaworu was too hurt to say or look at Shinji. "You can use half the bed if you want " Kaworu said after a while because he couldn't help it. It was getting late and from what Kaworu knew Shinji hadn't slept in days. "I'm sorry…" Shinji thought leaning more into his knees.


End file.
